i can’t wait to quit my job. my supervisor is driving me nuts! he takes all the credit for my work and keeps assigning me his projects he doesn’t want to do. what is this, grade school? do your own damn homework!
and, he has the worst combination of coffee/cigarette breath i have EVER encountered. he insists on leaning closer to me every time we have a face-to-face.
i wonder if one of the signs of adulthood is being able to adjust to situations like this and act maturely. and be grateful for my job, even though it is mindless, excruciatingly boring, a huge waste of resources, potential and mental energy (even though it is mindless!), and makes me feel like human waste every time i come into work. … i know that the general assumption is that we should find joy in our work and our work should add meaning to our lives, so am i going to be forever unhappy?
addendum: i just realized HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW MY NAME. he just addressed an email to me as “Stephaniel” - whaaaaaaattttt. it profoundly offends me that someone so stupid is allowed to “supervise” me.
“In my view, it now makes little sense to be objective about Occupy Wall Street and its various, amorphous iterations across the country. As Matt Taibbi wrote recently in Rolling Stone about learning to love OWS: “People don’t know exactly what they want, but as one friend of mine put it, they know one thing: FUCK THIS SHIT! We want something different: a different life, with different values, or at least a chance at different values.” If [the actions of] OWS are primarily coherent only in so far as they agree that the current status quo, rife with inequity and cruelty, is wrong — I cannot but consider myself in agreement. As such, it would be disingenuous to play the “objective reporter.” […] There is a loose analogy here with how Occupy Wall Street’s structure stands at odds with mainstream, electoral politics. Many of those involved in Occupy Wall Street have, with excellent cause, expressed dissatisfaction with representative politics in this country. In response, occupiers have sought new political spaces and interactions; they have taken politics into their own hands. Similarly, if the mainstream media prides itself on reporting the facts, I have found too many problems with what does or does not get to be a fact — or what rises to the level of a fact they believe to be worth reporting — to be part of such a machine. Going forward, I want to take responsibility for my voice and the facts that I choose and relay. I want them to instigate change.”—Why I quit the mainstream media - Salon.com
I’m kicking myself right now for not retaking the GRE before it changed to its latest hideous iteration. Also, for having the ludicrous desire to go to grad school again.
Here is how hopeless things currently seem: I just tried to do the sample questions from the ETS site, and could only answer ONE of them confidently. I mean, aren’t the sample questions supposed to be tenable, so as to boost some confidence in the test-taker, and make them think spending $160 on the test is NOT a bad idea? This is extremely disheartening, since I have always considered myself excellent in math. But my knowledge of functions and number theory are proving a little rusty after not using them or teaching them for a while.
And so, I feel resigned to the fact that I just suck at this test-taking business. And unfortunately, because the multi-million dollar standardized testing business is the unpleasant gatekeeper guarding my entrance to the prestigious school I want to attend, to hopefully later achieve the career I want, so I can live the life that I think would make me most happy, my lack of aptitude for taking tests (not my aptitude for math), means that I may just be doomed to fail at everything from now on.
Homosexuals of the United States (HOTUS):
Minutes of the Gay Agenda 2012 Planning Meeting
From the Marriage Committee: We had a very successful year in 2011. Due to the diligent work of all HOTUS members, heterosexual marriage is now ending in divorce at a steady 50 percent. Our goal is 53 percent in 2012. A new study shows that if we can force the legality of gay marriage in just two more states, we can easily achieve the goal of ruining at least 53 percent of heterosexual marriages. A sub-committee has been formed to study Kim Kardashian’s recent divorce to learn more effective techniques in ending marriages at a faster rate.
From the Acts of God Committee: Again, a banner year in 2011! Earthquakes, hurricanes, and just plain old freaky weather was achieved, particularly on the East Coast. In 2012, HOTUS plans to anger god enough with our homosexuality to achieve total havoc in the Southern states.
My work is abysmal. My supervisor is an incompetent, rambling fool who insists on meeting with me multiple hours per week to blather on at me at length for what I can only assume is his perverse enjoyment of seeing me miserable.
Yesterday, we met for one hour to discuss the company-wide emergency plan he asked me to write (it’s actually something he’s supposed to be responsible for, but his schedule is apparently too important to concern himself with such matters and so he gave it to me, his underling, to write for him so he can present it to his bosses. Basically, my job is being the wimpy kid in middle school who all the meat-head bullies pick on to do their homework). This document has been a source of torturous frustration and abundant ineptitude. Basically, it’s the plan that should inform company actions in the case of a fire, natural disaster, terrorism attack, or other unplanned for disruption to safety and “business as usual.” It’s an important document. I’d like to think that in the case of any one of these life-threatening disasters, the company will know what to do to save itself and its employees. Turns out, not so much. The company has been here for a while, long before I arrived on the scene, and it seems that their previous plans consisted merely of a list of phone numbers (most of which were inaccurate or missing) and a “hold onto your butts” policy. You can imagine my fear and utter disbelief. And now, this extremely important company policy was given to me to improve. You might ask, Why would someone with no training in safety standards or knowledge of or access to facilities be asked to write such a document in which that knowledge would prove extremely helpful and/or effective?? Because my company has shit for brains, that’s why. Apparently, the “bottom line” is so immensely consuming that their money-lust has blinded all common sense or love of life. Apparently, they don’t realize that if they don’t know how to properly evacuate 300+ people when a massive fire consumes the building, there will be no business, and thus, no money. But, my company being what it is, they have put this plan very low on their list of priorities, which is why they are asking me to write it, without proper training or knowledge, no resources or feedback, at the last minute before an audit.
At yesterday’s meeting with my supervisor, I had the naivete to expect some feedback or constructive criticism, at last. Unfortunately, and unsurprisingly, my supervisor had not only NOT read the 20-page document I’d prepared, but had the gall to tell me my plans (which I tried to make as realistically practical and simple as possible) were too detailed. He told me, for example, that we can’t write that we’ll have a generator on site in the case of a power outage, because a generator would be too expensive and it just won’t happen. When I asked him what we should do instead, he said, basically, “sit on our butts and wait.” After exasperatingly trying to express my concerns to him that top management are ignoring an extremely important duty and responsibility to their employees’ safety and that I have extremely real concerns about the validity of the document, he told me to stop arguing, make changes he suggested, and have it to him this morning.
Which is why, in the section called “What to do in the case of a fire,” our company policy currently reads:
If fire or smoke is present in the facility, evaluate the situation, determine the severity, and take the appropriate action as defined in this section. Then go fuck yourself.
The best part is, they’ll never even notice it because no one will read it (until there’s a fire, maybe, but I suspect everyone will already be dead.)
First they tried to divert the trains from taking people there, saying the ACE was going to suddenly run from Canal St and then go straight into Brooklyn. That was fun.
We met a woman on the train who came with us to the GA.
The park is now fenced in by barricades and the police monitor who comes in and out. You cannot enter if you are carrying items that they deem to be too large, and they are filming people.
But a lot of people came out tonight.
Hundreds of people who are still determined to work hard and to rebuild.
Trinity Church is letting OWS use their property to prepare food for everyone.
We all talked together and passed food around while the cops stood by and watched us.
It was empowering. It was energizing. People figuring out solutions together. Breaking bread.
This attack on us has given us even more momentum, even more drive.
So I thank you, NYPD and Mayor Bloomberg, for giving us yet another burst of energy, and for growing the support for this movement amongst the people. Every time you try to beat us, we just get stronger. So thanks.
You can’t stop this.
A first-hand report from tonight’s GA at Zuccotti. The “momentum” line is one you’ll be hearing much of in the coming days. Occupy Wall Street had gone stagnant. What it needed—and the city really didn’t—was this jolt. The American Autumn is hardly over. It’s just entered phase two.
“We just do not care. It’s all a big disappointment. Hey, I was expecting to be blown away. I was expecting miracles and transformations and multiple twitching orgasms on sight. Do not come at me with tantalizing promises only to reveal that you can fulfill most of them to a fairly good degree, and not far exceed all of them in every imaginable way. We’re Americans, goddammit. Ye shall know us by the tang of our bitter and untenable jadedness.”—
welp, i’ve done that thing all eager and expectant fiancées eventually do: created a wedding blog. now that i’ve uttered that sentence, it occurs to me i don’t know what the purpose of these usually are. i plan on using it as a space for collecting ideas and eliciting suggestions from my real-life friends and family, but also to document the story of ben’s and my relationship and how we will strive to articulate our values in our wedding, and by extension, our lives together.
also, the blog is my way of motivating myself to start the planning process.
this is a short reflective piece i wrote the other day about teaching, and learning to see through people’s destructive behaviors and love them despite the crazy things they do. i’m kinda happy i wrote it and would be happy if you read it. here are some snippets:
one invaluable thing i learned was that everyone […] is just seeking some validation. everyone needs solace in some redemptive quality in themselves. oftentimes, because we’re too insecure and damaged from a history of neglect and emotional abuse. children are especially sensitive to every event in their lives, because these events are closer to the surface of memory, and for this reason, significantly more formative; children use each moment to learn and adapt and adjust.
[…] what we have to understand is that people behave in strange ways all the time. sometimes words are not enough to give voice to deeper longings, or are too hard to say. sometimes you give someone a gift, because you don’t know how else to say you’re sorry. or you reach out to touch someone’s hand, just to let them know you’re so happy they’re alive. our culture can be so isolating that we forget how to talk to one another, and when we make efforts to reach out to another human being, it feels revolutionary.
[…] it’s not always easy to practice, heck, it’s not always easy to remember, but i try to hold in my head and heart the conviction that all people are, like me, struggling to be loved and make meaning out of their lives, and the least i/you/we can do to make a difference is to love a little back.
people who are close to me know that i am not religious and i’m maybe not even that spiritual, but dammit, do i believe in numerology*!
that’s why today, 11/11/11, for the one minute of 11:11, i will concentrate all my energy into thinking just positive, well-intentioned, powerful, hopeful and generous thoughts. it’s harder than it sounds. but for that one minute, i’ll do it, and hope that you’ll join me, and maybe magical and wonderful things will result (you’ve just spent a whole minute intentionally using your brain to generate positive vibes – that in itself is a good thing). you’ve got two shots at this (if you don’t abide by the military way of telling time), so make them count**! 2 whole minutes of extraordinary positive energy being sent out into the universe by a bunch of people at once!
let’s make brainwaves! -stef
*in elementary school, probably for at least a solid year, if not more, i would make a wish/positive intention every day at 3:33 pm, and 12:34 if i caught it. seriously, a whole year. it was a year of magical thinking.
a scientific inquiry into the varying experience of sunsets over time
The sunset time for Fremont, CA (94538) for today, Wednesday Nov. 9, 2011, is 5:01 pm PST.
The sunset time for Los Angeles, CA (90034) is 4:53 pm PST.
The sunset time for Syracuse, NY (13203) is 4:46 pm EST.
The sun sets in Oxford, OH (45056) at 5:28 pm EST.
In Lexington, KY (40512) the sun sets at 5:31 pm EST.
And in Miami, FL (33101) it’s 5:34 pm EST.
I’m sure there’s a scientific explanation for the variance, like the earth’s tilt on its axis and the rotation in relation to the sun, but I’m going to leave it to more scientifically-inclined minds than mine to furnish those reasons. (Did you see how I gave zip codes instead of latitudes and longitudes, which would have proved infinitely more useful in answering this question? Although I did try to arrange those cities in order from North to South.)
All I know is, it gets dark disgustingly early now, and I was correct in thinking that, when growing up in the Midwest, the falls were never so dark, nor the days so short (and unfulfilled) as they are on the west coast. It was not just nostalgia playing a dirty mind trick on me.